Calling Dad, Calling Dad

Go to www.lisaholdren.com for the new 'truth to some extent' posts. I've decided to start telling the story of a woman searching for her father. She never knew him, he left before she was born, but there is a void -- one every adopted person feels -- but more, he DID NOT WANT her or her mother. He made no arrangements for her, he contributed nothing, he moved on. 

And now she is going to find him. Why? She asks herself that sometimes. Then she wonders if he looks like her, or sounds like her. She wonders if they have any mannerisms or behaviors that are the same. She doesn't look like her mother, so she must look like him. Who is this man. Why did he leave? How can he live with himself?

The search began in earnest a decade ago and she's still searching for answers. Her dream is to spend 3 days on a cruise to Bermuda, just the two of them, side by side in deck chairs, getting to know each other.

Let's see where the story leads.

www.lisaholdren.com

The website is up: lisaholdren.com  That is where the truth to some extent lives now. There is a lot of new, fun and informative reading on it. Give it a look-see!

I'd love it if you would send me an email with your thoughts. That is easy to do on the website. You'll see the button on the welcome page and the personal info pages.

The novel will ultimately get its own site/blog--maybe even this one. It is almost finished. I'm evolving as a writer and I hope you will stay with me as I grow.

That is the truth. To some extent.

Check It Out!

The manuscript it only partly in view because it is only partly done. Oh, the photo is my kids. My favorite from my daughter's wedding. 

Visit My Website: www.lisaholdren.com

You can follow my progress on this novel writing process. 

There is a short story on there as well. Yes, it is a repeat from here, but maybe you missed it first time around!

Let me a comment, and let me know what you think. Or you can email me from the contact page on the website. 

And that's the truth. To some extent.

My New Best Friend is the United States Postal Service

I've been submitting my short stories for publication instead of putting them on here. I will post again on here, I think I have a plan, now to get it going. For now it is about getting at least one piece published. 

Meantime, check out my website: www.lisaholdren.com

There is a blog on there also. It follows my progress writing, revising and avoiding the work of my novel. I find a fun picture to go with each of those posts as well. If you're writing a long form work, you might find it curious, or maybe even interesting to see how I manage the process.

Here's the short version: Donna Mazzarino's husband died in a car accident. She thinks she drove him to it. Now she has to figure out what to do, and her children give her 3 very good reasons to get busy. She actually has to go to the morgue. Have you ever been there. I researched it...not what I'd expected from television shows, at least here in Los Angeles.

And that's the true. To some extent.

Why Haven't I Posted?

Time seems to have stood still except for this manuscript I'm writing. It is going slowly. I'm adding music to it now, so it won't be much longer, I hope, but the work is meticulous.

Meantime, I'm make a huge effort to never miss a yoga class. It keeps me focused and centered so I can work more effectively with fewer doubts. I really want to forget about the outcome and just enjoy the process.

I hear Judith Lassiter's new book, re: yoga and life is terrific. Lots of common sense and acceptance. I wish I had time to read it. 

So, I'll be back, now sure what with, but something good! Oh how I envy those authors who can knock out a story in half an hour. 

I bake a lot when I'm writing intensively, so lots of sweet breads and puddings. Great mother's day, too.   We're refinancing the house, my daughter is visiting, and my mother has been sick. My brother, just this weekend, decided it was time to get 'stuff' out of her house so after she went to sleep, he picked up whatever looked like junk to him and piled it into his rental car and dumped it into any dumpster around town that he could find. And, he is into forward thinking recycling, reuse and repair! Hah! 

Yellow Roses

Christine wore a black silk flared skirt, red patent leather flats with squared-off toes, and a white cotton sweater set last night as she and her husband of 25 years strolled Montana Avenue in Santa Monica after dinner. He always wears khaki's, a soft cotton dress shirt and loafers.

They've taken this walk, late in the evening, about 9 PM, many times. Usually it is in the heat of summer since the cool breeze near the ocean is such a relief from the daytime heat, especially in August or September. Christine thought of her mother as she and her husband held hands window-shopping, a Hawaiian shirt for him--an embroidered floral kimono for her. A white elephant of a marble table stopped them both in their tracks.

The stores were all closed, of course. The street quiet except for a couple of restaurants and one bar. The ocean is less than a mile away but unless she's at the end of the avenue Christine forgets it is even there.

Her mother always loved the ocean. They had spent summers at Virginia Beach, just the two of them, getting sunburned while building sand castles and playing in the waves. They stayed at The Blue Dolphin right on the water's edge. All Christine had to do was pull on her swimsuit and run into the water. Cheese sandwiches for lunch, with lemonade.

Her father never went along. He worked, in a suit and tie, and wing tips, looking very handsome in  his grey suit with the blue shirt, blue pocket handkerchief, and the tie with a tiny orange stripe. They would send him postcards, every day, a picture of their motel, or of the dolphin that hung in space above the roofline, or just a card that said "Virginia Beach".

Monday morning, Christine's mother is scheduled for  a Bronchoscopy at a medical center 2,000 miles away. "It's nothing," her mother had said. "I cough a lot so the doctor wants to take a look." She paused, waiting for Christine to get upset, which she did not. "It may sound bad but it's really nothing ugly, just unusual."

"Would you like me to come be with you?" Christine had asked her. "We'll work crossword puzzles while you recover."

"Don't be silly," she said. "The x-ray showed something that looked like a grain of sand."

"Have them send the x-ray," Christine said. "I won't interfere, it's just that I am a doctor as well as your daughter."

"You're just like your father," her mother said. "He always had to know everything that was going on. Look where all that got him, pushing up daisies."

"We have the most beautiful yellow roses this year," Christine replied. "We've had yellow ones before but they've never had a scent. I cut them with long stems and arranged them in a silver vase. They're opening very slowly, petal by petal, it's stunning."

"I wish I could see them," her mother said. "Maybe next year."

"I'll send you pictures," Christine said. "Who is caring for you after the procedure?"

"I'll be fine. It's really nothing. I don't need anyone fussing over me."

"I love you," Christine had said.

"I know," her mother said. "I have things to do. You probably do too."

"I'll call you...mom, are you there?"

No reply. The line was dead.

And that's the truth. To some extent. 

Hopeless or Helpless: Poverty and Hunger

She sits under the stairs, against the building, scrunched as far away back from the sidewalk as she can get. Dark brown hair that could be pretty, green eyes that could sparkle, probably an English complexion underneath that sad, dry face. Twenty-five, 18, who knows. She looks 50. The filthy clothes are a dead give away she's been like this for awhile.

"What would you like?" Christine asked her. "A burger with everything from In n Out? Fries and a shake?" 

"That's a stupid question," Christine's friend said in her ear. "Just get her some food, anything."

"I need money," the girl grunted. "You've got some." She stared at the sidewalk, clasped her hands so tightly together that dirty nails must have been piercing her palms. "Leave me alone," she said. Squatting further back into the corner of the stairs and wall, it became evident she wore no panties.  

"OMG," Christine's friend said. "We'll be late for yoga class. Let's go." She grabbed Christine by the arm and hauled her up the stairs. "Don't look down, we'll bring food later," she said.

"There's time before class starts," Christine said. 

In n Out wasn't open, but in the same mall a coffee shop was. Christine picked out an apple fritter, container of whole milk, banana, and huge blueberry muffin.  Packed in a clean, white paper bag, the food fit perfectly in Christine's Coach tote bag along with her jeans, tee shirt and sandals for later in the day.

The girl had moved around the corner from the stairs and faced the back of the parking lot when Christine arrived. "Eat this. You'll feel better," Christine said, pulling the bag from her tote and holding it out to her. "Please, take it. I eat a banana every day."

"NO," the girl replied. Her teeth chattered, her body began to shake, her eyes sunk deep into their sockets, and she slumped sideways. 

Christine sat the white bag beside the girl. Then she wrote on the side of the white bag: "If you will go upstairs to the yoga studio, the owner will give you a coupon for the In n Out burger."

Late for class, Christine tossed her mat in the only available space, tightly scrunched beside the wall. It was claustrophobic, but as the meditation came to an end, she thought of the girl. 

And hour and a half later when class was over, Christine skipped down the same stairs with her friend. They looked all around the building but the girl and the white paper bag were gone. Christine shoved the Coach tote bag in the trunk with her yoga mat. 'I'm going home," she said to her friend. "What do you do for someone like that except give them some food?" 

And that's the truth. To some extent.