Hearts and Houses for Sale: Looking Good

Hello! Selene here. Click to listen to ME tell you all about what's been happening lately, or read it yourself, below:

My dentist's name is Dr. Chu. I drive over an hour first thing in the morning to get to her office in the San Fernando Valley, but she's worth it. What could be better than a dentist named Dr. Chu? And, I have good teeth. See!

"Hello," Dr. Chu's receptionist calls to me, like she always does as soon as I enter the office. "No problems today?" Her name is Mary.

"I'm fine," I say. She knows the only thing I hate more than cavities are snakes.

"Go in the pink room and have a seat, the hygienist will be with you in a minute," Mary says.

The room is vivid pink. I don't know why. They support breast cancer research? I squirmed into the chair.

"You're on time," the hygienist says as she springs into the room, like any 27 year old would do who has had sex the night before. "I'm going to take x-rays. Okay?"

"Sure. Just don't dig those stiff things into my gums," I say a little too sharply. "They hurt."

"I hate it, too, I know," she says. I see a Chinese figure tattoo on her shoulder where I should not be able to see it, except that her pink -- yes it matches -- scrub shirt is too big and has slipped a little too far west of her bra strap. "You know, I was out with my boyfriend last weekend. We want to buy a house, and, I bit into my cheek when he opened a closet door and there was a room with built-in shelves full of shoes, floor to ceiling."

I had to ask, even as she jammed that hard square x-ray disc way back into my mouth. "Did you buy the house?"

"Don't move," she chirped, then put the lead apron over me. "I better do this. Don't guess you're pregnant, but never know."

The machine made it's noise and she pulled out the gummy gizmo. "Did you..." I repeated.

"Oh, oh, nononono," she said. "It was way too much money, and, we didn't want a hundred steps up to the front door. Well, it was only maybe 20, but I don't want to have to climb 20 steps in heels after we've been out drinking."

Then, bless her heart, Mary called out from her desk. "Selene is a real estate agent. Maybe she can sell your current house. Your agent sure isn't."

She stuck another disc in my mouth. It stung. But then, business isn't pain free.

"You'll have to release your current agent first," I said.

Her pony-tail fell on my cheek--disgusting-- as she leaned in to adjust the stupid thing. "The house needs some work, but we don't expect to make a million on it."

I had to think about that for a few minutes. I wondered what that meant.

A few days later, pictures of her house were on my desk when her now ex-agent called. Stella and Stanley Lewbowsky-- of all names-- had hired me to sell a dump. "So, you're going to sell this place? Port-a-potty for a working bathroom, you know," the agent said. "Let me know how you do it. Word has it you can sell anything."

"It's a listing I have, that you lost," I said because it was true. I had no idea what I'd do. "You can come check it out when it's ready."

In any case, my teeth are white and shiny. I don't have any cavities. And, I have a listing, a challenge of a listing, but a listing. Sigh...

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued

Hearts and Houses for Sale: On a short hiatus

Selene, super real estate agent and her intrepid lover, Hopi--Henry Olden Powell, III will return on Wednesday. Meantime, Selene is visiting family out of town.

Her sister, Tina, is recovering from a bad cold, but fortunately, her new husband is home to nurse her back to health. 

Selene's boss has gone to New Orleans for Valentine's weekend. No one is supposed to know. His wife thinks he is working...

Oh, and Louise and Lieutenant Broom and the boys are with grandpa, Aodham McPhearson, on a cruise to Mexico -- thanks to grandpa generosity. Hopefully, when they return a loan will be available for them to go ahead with the purchase of the now notorious 'house on the hill' with the falling down tree house.

And that's the truth on this day after Valentine's Day.  To some extent.

continued on Wednesday  

Hearts and Houses for Sale: On a Clear Day...

Hello! Selene here. Click to listen to ME tell you what's been happening lately, or read about it yourself, below:

I need a break. Life cannot be all about work. Or all about Hopi, Henry Olden Powell, III. I still want to know about Powell number 1, and Powell number 2. I wonder if I can ask him? He hasn't offered any information. Anyway, he's off the radar for today. No man, no work, no money, no maybe's.

I met my sister, Tina, at yoga class first thing this morning. I really have to get there more often. It's just a matter of prioritizing time, for myself. Yoga in the morning and the whole day goes better.

Afterward, we just drove the old highway along the water and walked around the Trump Golf Course. It was so green since we've recently had rain, and the water was so beautifully blue and clear. I could see for miles. What was that song, "On a clear day, you can see forever..." I better not sing...You know, winter in Southern California is a definite season, just not a ragged one where you're always cold. I've been to the mountains. I've never lived in the cold, but that's what I hear.

Tina and I walked for awhile, probably a half hour or more in silence. Then a golf ball hit the wall of the public bathroom up ahead and it was startling. Where were the golfers? I couldn't see anybody. Tina turned around and around in a circle trying to see where the people might be. Nobody.

It was so beautiful just looking around. I mean, of course, there had to be somebody, since the golf ball came from somebody somewhere.

"I think I'm going to get my hair cut, chin length," I said to Tina. "What do you think?"

"Sure, why not. You'll hate it, like you did last time, and wait for it to grow out, but, that's what you always do." She tells me the truth, even when I don't want to hear it.

"I need a change, Tina." I stood still and took in the warmth from the sun. It felt so good, so peaceful. "My life is difficult," I told her. "I don't have any money. I think I'm getting a new listing, but I'm not sure, it's going to take at least two weeks to get it ready to show, and 'the house on the hill' still hasn't closed yet." I was rambling.

I shut up and looked over at her. It was her turn to say something and make me feel better. She wasn't looking at me.

"Hey, look at that dog," she said. She had shaded her eyes with her hands. "Look up there. On the side of the hill. That dog."

"I see him," I said. "He's waving at us."

"Yeah, he's waving at us," Tina said. "He's happy to see us. Let's wave back."

So we did.

"Whose he with? I don't see anybody around," I said.

Tina said. "I think he just wants to say 'hello' and be friendly."

"I should forget about my hair. It's is just an excuse to do something, be distracted." I shaded my eyes with both hands. "I don't need a hair cut, or a facial or a manicure -- well, I do, but I can't afford any of it right now--."

"I think he's the welcoming committee for the golf course," Tina said.

He kept waving at us. We kept waving back at him, or her. Couldn't tell from the distance.

"I wonder who he belongs to?" I asked.

"He shouldn't be out here all alone," Tina said. "But, then I guess, we are."

So, we stood there on the walking path, in the sunshine at the golf course near the ocean. He sat there on the grassy hill across the road, above us for awhile. Then he got up and trotted away until we couldn't see him anymore.

Later, when we were in the car, Tina asked if I thought he was a coyote.

"No. I think he was a collie," I said. "Somebody's dog who knew how to wave hello, or maybe 'goodbye', I don't know which."

We went back to Tina's and had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued...

Hearts and Houses for Sale: Piece of Cake

Hello! Selene here. Click to listen to ME tell you what's been happening lately, or read about it yourself, below:

I really want this sale to go through with the Brooms. If I'm not selling, then I better be out door-knocking. San Pedro, California is an old, large area of the South Bay so there are a lot of doors to knock. It's a needle in a haystack finding a buyer who can qualify, or a seller ready to let go of property in this climate. I want this sale.

I sailed through every green light but one on the way to the office. Hopefully that's a good sign. Wonder if I earned any good Karma with Hopi last night. He did eat the rabbit after all. It didn't go to waste, and I think we were honest with each other. I like him in spite of his weird background. That alone should be good karma.

Me: Hi Jim. Should I be happy or sad, today?

Boss: You better have a trick up your sleeve, Selene. (Uh-oh. He never calls me by my name.)

Me: Captain Katz is behind Lieutenant Broom all the way. He wants him to get that 'house on the hill' as they refer to it. That combination, Katz and Broom and house on the hill, that alone should get them a mortgage.

Boss: Nobody can get a mortgage right now. So, how are you going to make this sale. Selene.

Me (a long pause): I know the owner, well, the owner of the corporation that owns the house.

Boss (laughing) : Is that a trick or a treat? Is he this week's lucky guy?

Me: Maybe. Maybe he's holding his cards too close to his chest on this sale.

Boss: Is he on the up-and-up? Is there something I need to know?

Me: Not yet. He grew up in that house, then rented it for years.

Boss: What about the murder? Is it a problem?

Me: Hasn't been a problem since it happened. He acts like it never happened. It isn't a problem for Crazy Louise and her fireman husband. Gives them reason to low-ball their offer.

Boss: Let me help you out, Selene. Lieutenant Broom only makes $75,000 a year. Now, how do you know this owner, again?

Me (another even longer pause): He's my doctor, incorporated.

Boss: Here's what I suggest. Los Angeles Fire Department Chief Barry worked San Pedro at the Harbor in 2000. He still goes to church here. Maybe the department can help get him a mortgage. Firemen stick together. They help each other out.

Me: Okay. I'll put on my big girl panties and Taryn Rose shoes, they're classy but low-heeled enough to kiss ass, and run that info by the Broom's agent. I guess it would be best if I didn't say, "so why haven't you thought of this?"

Boss: Maybe he has, but needs some help. Sell it. Just curious, is the 'doctor' seeing you again soon?

Me (laughing): I could call that harassment but I won't. I'll press the Brooms' agent. If the department can help with the mortgage, I'll suggest the owner make a contribution to one of their charities.

Boss: No piece of cake.

Me:If that doesn't work, I'll make an effigy of the owner and stick pins in him.

Boss: Oooh. You do know this person. Man on a stick. Voodoo no less.

Me: Hum.. more like -- I do, you do. Maybe, he'll be cake on a plate. He just has to be wooed, I think.

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued...

Hearts and Houses for Sale: The Mask

"What you see, isn't always what you get," Selene said to her sister, Tina, as she snapped on the bedside lamp.  "All I said, was that he should practice."

"Do you like him?" Tina asked. "Is he weird or not?"

"I don't know what to think of him," she said, sitting up in bed and removing the warm cloth from her forehead. "He's fun, he's smart. Did I tell you that already?"

"You said he brought you a semi-precious gemstone snake bracelet. You thought you owed him."

Selene got out of bed and opened the French doors to her small bricked patio. She stuck her finger into the soil of a droopy Azalea. It was dry. "The bracelet is beautifiul, that he couldn't do it, well, it wasn't a problem for me, I really didn't care. Things don't always work out, especially after a lot of drinking. He just took it the wrong way." No stars, but a huge perfect moon. Her nipples ached in the chilly air. 

"He didn't take it any-way, from what you're saying," Tina added. She took a drag on a smoke.

"You're smoking," Selene said. "What are you smoking?" She stood still and listened intently. "Just go back to cigarettes. I'm not seeing a psychiatrist, he's a surgeon. Let's howl at the moon together and see how we feel."

"I took a Valium, I'm already relaxed," her sister said. "Don't make me tense. He's a surgeon. So, I can understand how that could cut both ways."

"I like him enough," Selene said as she slipped into sweat pants and a shirt. "He's got these piercing dark eyes especially in the moonlight, but I just can't get the thought of him hacking up a family out of my mind."

"So, with that in mind, you tell him to go practice when he can't do it," her sister replied. "If you're lucky, you won't be seeing him for awhile. Not until he practices enough to get it to work again. Or comes back to stab you. That didn't come out right. I mean, well, it scares me."

"I never thought of it like that," Selene slid her feet into Uggs.  "Do you think he thought I meant he couldn't do it, and he needed to practice with someone else?"

"Yeah, with somebody else. You know, practice and learn," Tina said. "Pretty insulting, huh."

Selene poured tomato juice in a bucket glass and stuck in a straw. Then she saw it. His surgical mask was on the kitchen counter. It must be his. Who else could it belong to? "Tina, this is really weird, but..."

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued... 

Heart and Houses for Sale: I Remember You...

'The house on the hill is in escrow, at last," Selene said. "The owners left an antique brass chandelier and it made all the difference."

"Maybe Louise figures that bright light will lure Lieutenant Broom home," Hopi said.  "Perfect. I had a surprise for you, and now it will be an occasion!"

Selene wasn't so sure about this. Ever since Hopi had made a joke about murdering the people in the decrepit tree house behind the house--the house that was her only listing, he didn't seem quite right. But then, again, give a person the benefit of the doubt, right? 

"I'm not big on surprises," she said. "I won't know how to dress." Enough for surprises from you, Mr. Henry Olden Powell, III, she thought--actually the thought ran through her head like a wire service.

"We're going to dinner with some of my friends. You know Miriam and Joav. It's in Palos Verdes, so you'll need to wear the gift I'm bringing when I pick you up, " he said. "I see you in a beautiful flowing dress, easy on and easy off. You have a dress like that, don't you?"

"I'll have to, ah, hum, just a minute," she said putting the receiver in her lap and evening out her breath. She popped on the speaker phone and put the receiver back. She loosened her lavender silk kimono, shifted around, and began rubbing body lotion on one leg. "You mean like an Ophelia flowing down the river dress?," she asked.

"I want to see you," he said.

"It would seem so, " she said. She liked talking with him when she was fresh from the shower, naked and still damp. 

"You aren't still upset about that bad joke, are you?" he asked. " Look you found out it was twenty years ago that somebody was murdered there. And the house still sold." 

Time to change the subject. "I'm sorry, but I don't remember Miriam and what's his name. You said I sold them a house?" Selene said. 

"Joav. You'll remember when you see him.  They remember you very well," he said. "You introduced them to the mind eraser. And Joav went home with your red lace panties in his pocket."

"He did not!" Selene said. "I remember. He kept saying he didn't think the proportion of Kahlua to vanilla vodka to soda water was right, and he drank us under the table." Selene let the kimono fall back and smoothed lotion across her shoulders and collarbone.

"Were you wearing red lace panties?" he asked.

"No," Selene said. "I wasn't wearing any panties."

"That's what I mean by flowing," he said. "I'll make you my version of  a mind eraser tonight."

I'll be sipping tomato juice all day tomorrow, Selene thought, if I agree to this. Is he for real or am I a sucker for this guy? 

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued...

Hearts and Houses for Sale: The Luck of the Blarney Stone?

In January the sun casts a pink-grey-orange glow across the Los Angeles Harbor by 4 PM. That glow created a yellow cast to the ripped Shantung silk along the edge of Selene's suit skirt.  

"It can be repaired. The tear is right on the seam," Selene said, as she allowed herself to be lifted from the floor by a large square-shaped hand laced with pale blue veins that ran like rivers from wrist to knuckle. "My heel caught in the carpet," She said.

In a tone as clear as a classic Irish tenor, the blue-eyed elderly gentleman chided her. "Wasn't your fault, woman. Me boys bollixed their grand entrance." His smile furthered the creases that ran from the corner of his eyes down his face. "Can you stand?"

"Yes. I'm fine," Selene replied crisply, punctuating the word, yes, as she steadied herself, unbuttoned her jacket, straightened her blouse, and smoothed the front of her skirt. "I'm fine. Surprised, but fine." She cleared her throat. "Would you like to see the house?"

"We're waiting for the rascals' mother," the gentleman said.  "Now put your hand up so it don't bruise."

Selene looked at her left hand. The ring finger and the pinky finger were clearly swelling. "Oh, they do hurt," she said.

"I'm really sorry I knocked you over," the boy in the yellow shirt said. "I wanted to go into the treehouse."

"It is pretty cool," Selene said, as she held her arm straight up above her head. "I feel like the Statue of Liberty." Tears were going to well up any minute now. Hang on, hang on, hang on, she said to herself. "How about seeing it another time?"

Henry Powell spoke up. "Perhaps, I should take you to the emergency room unless you have a torch to hold."

"Louise, if you want the house, you better get in here," the gentleman shouted out the door. "She's going to close up shop." 

A shock of black hair, brilliant green eyes, and freckles from here to the Blarney Stone, Louise landed in the doorway. "I want the house. I want the house. I've wanted it for years. Sorry I'm so late," she said breathlessly. "Those steps are steep." Pause. Silence. She looked at the boys.

The one in the yellow shirt and the one in the blue shirt stared at the floor.

"Am I going to be sued?" she asked.

And that's the truth. To some extent.

to be continued...  

Hearts and Houses for Sale: Not Business as Usual

For a quiet Sunday afternoon open house, high on a hillside in San Pedro, California, this is taking a decidedly unexpected turn. Feeling more like a woman and less like a real estate agent, Selene tosses her long sleek red hair back over her shoulder, then walks to the open door sizing up the situation: he just made a pass at me and I just flipped my hair like a high school girl. He's not buying the house. I'm behaving unprofessionally. 

"Prospective buyers are due momentarily," Selene says as she pivots on the ball of her foot, more for assurance and balance, than anything else. She and Henry Powell are face to face. "Here's my card, please call."

As he slides his hand out of his pocket, her fingers flip the card at him as though they were at a black jack table. Selene lets loose with a belly laugh. "I don't know why I did that," escapes from her lips, which she covers with her fingers, but the laughter won't stop.

Henry picks up the card from the carpet. "Miriam and Joav said you were fun."

Before Selene can recoup, twin little boys hurl themselves threw the door, bumping into Selene's hip, one after the other. In slow motion, she feels her heel catch in the white carpet, then her other leg fly up and her butt land on the floor with a thud.

"Mommy, mommy, come look," the boy in the blue shirt screams. 

"We wanna see the tree house," the boy in the yellow shirt screams.

"Are these yours?" Henry Powell asks.

The seam half way up from the hem of her pale silk suit is torn. Unable to take her eyes away from the tear, Selene feels a man's hand lifting her gently from the floor. 

And that's the truth. To some extent.

To be continued... 

Hearts and Houses for Sale: Static Electricity

Super real estate agent, Selene, takes another look at the tall, dark and handsome stranger standing in the entry way on what was a boring Sunday afternoon. He doesn't look the San Pedro type, but it's just fine if he buys this house. The six per cent fee can come out of any one's account. She straightens her shoulders, lifts her chin, and takes two high-heeled strides toward him extending a freckled slim hand.

"Hello. I'm Selene..." she says.

He interrupts with a slightly crooked smile. "I know who you are. I'm Henry Powell," he says as he slides his hand into hers. "I live four houses down the street."

"Oh!" Selene giggles, her fingers leaping from his grasp. "Static electricity." She starts to laugh, realizes he has dark brown, double-lashed bedroom eyes, and glances aside to gather herself into the professional business woman she is. "I'm so sorry. It must be the carpeting." 

"I hope not," he counters. "I've been looking forward to meeting you. My sister and her husband bought their home from you. Miriam and Joav Stein."

"Ah, yes," she says, her mind racing to remember them. Nothing. "Let me give you the tour. Oh, have you been here before? Perhaps you know it better than I do."

"No," he replies. "The owners were very private."

 "I see," Selene says. A smile quivers across her face as she struggles to refrain from showing any emotion. Without missing a beat, Selene moves slightly in front of him, turning her best side directly in his sight line. "The view is beautiful from here," she says gesturing toward the large bay window before them that stretches across the front of the room.

"Yes. It is beautiful from my house as well," he replies tilting his head slightly away from her, then slipping one hand into his jeans pocket. "But, stunning from here."

"Hum." Selene feels a flush from her toes to her nose. "I'm so glad you think so."

And that's the truth. To some extent. 

Read opening episode, December 14, 2008 -- Story to be continued...